I warned Steve at midnight as I showed him my cleaned out, rose geranium-sprayed, organized toolbox that lives in the just cleaned and organized laundry room, it might be a long fall. I've been revved up on something as we bound toward the equinox. And whatever is not due to the fall of fire next to us that gives us more light, heat, energy every day has more to do with my own chemical composition. And, I must say, the commencement of this blog.
Every therapist I've gone to (do most people refer to their therapists in multiple?) has insisted that "No, your not bipolar. You would know it if you were." And I've always thought, well, I do know it yet other people can't see it, no matter how I try to show it, even to a therapist. Well, some might see it...you know who you are.
Two nights I was up from 2:30 to 5:30 making bunnies for the children out of a rummaged lambswool sweater. I broke out my new fabric scissors for the first time, cut up a perfectly good sweater and then got out my newly-gifted sewing machine. It took me about 10 minutes to figure out how to turn it on, about 10 more minutes of sewing to realize the foot was up. I ripped up knots the size of little hailstones, left large gaps that I later handsewed. Basically butchered the bunny.
Last night I stayed up late doing more on the bunnies (after a brief and oh-so-helpful tutorial by ZMama--she's got skills!) and then as usual these days, reading soulemama and angry chicken, my hilarious cousin's notthatidon'tlovemykids and lovely childrenoftheforest. I've been having so much fun with this blog and am enthralled and a little overwhelmed by the blogosphere. I hear the criticisms in my head. There are several people I don't want to tell for fear of their certain mockery. "Mommy bloggers." "So solipsistic." "What's the point?" I hear it all in my head. My own inner critic. This is probably a question/discovery process every blogger faces. Why do it? I know a few reasons:
- As I seek to define the direction of my blog and choose my topics, I also reflect on my life, choosing where my focus lies. If I'm now spending an hour a day on my blog and others, what's going to give? I am editing 20 hours a week, preparing to teach an Asian bodywork course 4 nights a week, full-time inspired mommying full of hikes and bikes and art and all manner of enrichment, cooking up a storm, working hard to line up contractors, funding and city council support for our new cooperative preschool, with a piddling bank account, yet there's some aspect of necessary in putting these thoughts out there. It's helping me to further define my direction during this transition time of my life/career.
- I also consider the unique appeal to mamas. We see a lot of each other, yet often engage in the same kind of parallel play our children do. I'm as good as they come about following one thread of a conversation through a morning filled with reading books, mediating conflicts, organizing art projects, exploring the river, yet an entire morning of that conversation can feel like just we scratched the surface. Here I can share and I don't even have to worry whether I'm boring you. You can skip, skim, never click here again.
- I love to be able to share pictures and stories of our family's life to far flung family and friends.
And yes, all this will slow down soon and I'll be in bed with the children each night wondering how I ever had the time...
and...that picture at the top is of Isaiah at a peace march and rally today. He was such a trooper. Falling asleep on our way there, he was told he could either walk or we would leave after the introductory rally. He walked the mile of the rally at the very front of the line and soaked in the music and speaker before crashed hard from 3 till 5. We love the busy life and we love nap time!